I've been thinking. Dangerous, I know! LOL But seriously, I've been thinking, and reading my Bible (the book of James and can't get past the first chapter, so much good stuff in there!)... and wondering, and sometimes griping quietly about the season of life we are in right now. Michael is still jobless. It's frustrating to think that we might have to take a job that is not in his field nor is it productive in promoting him to a new career.
I always talk and think "God is providing, he knows what he's doing, etc" all the cliche things Christians tend to say and do in times of big or little crisis. I'm not denying that God is in fact providing for us in this time of financial unsteadiness, for sure and beyond all I can imagine He has taken care of us. However, the unemployement train is pulling into the final station soon, and I find myself worrying about what we will do next. It's like we've gotten used to this new lifestyle, and it too can be ripped right out from under us. I don't like that feeling. Not. One. Bit. I dont. I don't know anyone who does. It's times like these that I find myself saying the above statements out loud, but in my heart of hearts I fret and worry and wonder and consider things I should not consider (like selling our home, or moving across the country or other such things). I become inflexible... after a life of relative leisure, where we had no worries about anything, I am unwilling to change that... I don't want to have to give up stuff (not that we have lots to give up, but ya know, we all have vices and desires and wants), or convenience, or time together as a family. I don't want to give up my sanity, or at least the little bit I have left LOL.
In the past few days I have been reading a few blogs of folks who are in similar situations that we are in. They have had some profound things to say.
MckMama is the mom to 4 children, the youngest of whom has heart problems. He's not even one yet. The trials. I can't even imagine. She said "Perhaps having a good life, one that we are satisfied or joyful in, is not measured by how much subjective good there actually is in our lives, but simply in if we look for satisfaction and joy." Who can argue with that? So today I will go to bed and look for the joy in things... I will not see the joblessness, I will see all the extra family time we have had this year that we would not have had otherwise. I will not see the mess that is my home right now, I will instead see the wonderful family that I have been blessed with who made the mess. I will not see the bills coming in, I will rejoice that we have not yet had any ulitilies cut off! I will not see the rising cost of gas, but be grateful that we still have a van to drive, and places to go and people to see. I will not see the glass is half empty, but is waiting to be filled!!
God is good, and there is nothing more I can say but that.
So if you are still reading... kudos! :)